This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
