you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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