The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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