'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
