Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
