Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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