Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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