Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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