And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
