The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
