So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
