i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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