Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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