if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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