If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize