I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the night ended with taco bell and tears
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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