Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
