I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Randomize
