Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
