Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize