pop tarts are not kleenex
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
