There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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