Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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