people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
