I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
