after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
