If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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