That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
