we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
