Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
