i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
