I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
