she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
