So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
