We won't sleep together?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
