i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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