Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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