I faked an abortion last night.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
