Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
