So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
