My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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