I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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