I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize