my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
