just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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