How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
