So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
