Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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