He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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