so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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