Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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