I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
