so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
