...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
