I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
