Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
