if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
