I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
