it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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