and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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