i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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