some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
