What did we do last night that was yellow?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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