im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
