Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
