I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
