He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
