I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
